On this day last year, I wrote something to commemorate the one-year anniversary of the passing of my uncle Dan “Squid” Weckstein. Of course, he was more than just my uncle. He was my biggest inspiration, and he always will be. Everything I do is inspired by him, whether that be commentating a game, going to or watching a Bengals game, running, weight lifting, playing golf, and getting my degree from the University of Cincinnati.
Originally, I was only going to write something on that one-year anniversary of Uncle Squid’s passing. But now every time August 28 rolls around, his passing dominates my thinking.
With everything happening regarding the COVID-19 pandemic and a lot of things being abnormal in my life, I recently realized that, yeah, things aren’t normal or how I think they should be. I’m used to having certainty in my life. Reds game tonight, Bearcats football game Saturday or on whatever day during basketball season that I’m commentating, Bengals game Sunday, these classes on this day and those classes on that day, family dinner at Grandma and Granddad’s or Uncle Jerry’s this day, March Madness in March, etc. So life goes on, right? Correct. But what about when the world is frozen and everything shuts down? Well as John Mellencamp would sing, “Oh yeah, life goes on. Long after the thrill of living is gone.” And yeah, right now there aren’t a lot of thrills in the world. Things aren’t how they should be. How long are we going to live like this? I don’t know, but I know this: my uncle lived his life for three years as he battled stage four brain cancer. That’s having uncertainty and abnormality in life.
Speaking of Cincinnati, Bearcats head football coach Luke Fickell had this saying once that went “know your why.” Why we do what we do in sports and in life, which life really is a sport. Ever since June 20, 2015, I know why I do what I do in life. Of course I do what I do out of love, but I also do what I do inspired my uncle. My life got its meaning that day five years ago, and now I’m realizing the mission I was put on this Earth to accomplish: carry on my uncle’s legacy.
Should my uncle still be here? Absolutely. A father, husband, principal, realtor, Bengals fan and a good man who made an impact on everybody he knew and worked with. That’s who he was. But even as something as horrible as my uncle’s death is, I’ve finally found the silver lining in it. And that’s the mission God has given me: to carry on his legacy. It’s to make sure that who he was as a person that I carry that on. It’s to make sure that I show hard work, resiliency, #SquidStrong mentality, look for the best in people, have the right tool for the job, to love and to make sure that his legacy lives on. If he could live his life while battling GPM for three years, then I can absolutely do everything I want to do even with all the uncertainty and abnormalities in the world. This doesn’t even come close to the uncertainty that comes with living life while battling cancer.
As I wrote last year, I was so confident my uncle would beat GPM, which he did, that it wasn’t until a few weeks before he passed that I realized the inevitable. I’ve struggled the last two years without him here. I asked God many times why this happened, and I still wonder why it did.
This year, I’ve also wondered why this pandemic has happened. At first, I thought this virus isn’t bad. Why is it being blown out of proportion? At one point I thought it was something wrong with my computer. That is factually true that I thought that. Should we be carrying on with everyday life as we know it even in a pandemic? Absolutely. But the reality is, we’re not. We’ve had to make adjustments, as hard as they’ve been. But I realized recently that the important thing is that I am healthy and have the opportunity to still pursue my education at Cincinnati, albeit abnormally. And I also realized that the abnormalities and the uncertainties I’m facing are not nearly what my biggest inspiration faced for three years. Again, there are silver linings to everything. And that’s when I realized the mission God has given me.
Forget about how far I go in sportscasting. Forget about how many cars I’ll own and how many country club memberships I’ll have. Forget about the special girl, my Queen to the City, I end up marrying. Obviously, don’t forget about everything I just mentioned. Those are all meaningful, especially my Queen to the City I marry and have a family with. But my marriage will be just as meaningful, and sportscasting, cars and country club memberships won’t even be nearly as meaningful, as carrying on my uncle’s legacy will be.
Normal. What does it mean? What does it feel like? According to Merriam Webster, the meaning of normal is “conforming to a type, standard or regular pattern.” While Merriam Webster doesn’t explain what it feels, I say that normal feels right. It feels comfortable. Like a flowing river. Everything is smooth sailing and functioning how it should be.
In contrast, there’s uncertainty. What does it mean? What does it feel like? Merriam Webster defines it as “the quality or state of being uncertain.” Obviously, right? Maybe a better way to look at uncertainty is to know the meaning of the word certain. Merriam Webster’s first definition actually provides two synonyms: fixed and settled. That’s what certainty feels like, to me. Basically uncertainty is the opposite of certain, hence the prefix “un” making it “without” certainty. Without fixture, or settlement. Okay, I know you’re probably thinking enough with this English lesson. But hey, my uncle was once an English teacher.
This year has been anything but normal for all of us in the United States and the world. Remember how I said normal feels like a flowing river. Well there’s no flowing river in 2020, or at least one that is flowing smoothly. The uncertainty and abnormality caused by the coronavirus pandemic has come at an inopportune time for me. I just began my Senior year of college and had huge aspirations for this year, but the global pandemic has obviously put a wrench in those plans. When everything shut down in March and as the limitations and restrictions continued to persist through the coming months, I found myself waiting for everything to return to normal so I could get on with my life and aspirations. I hoped and prayed, which there is nothing wrong with hoping and praying. Believe me, I’m a sports fanatic. I know a lot about hope and prayer. But hoping and praying is all I did, and as things got worse frustration continued to mount inside of me.
My head spun every day about things not being normal, not being able to do what I love- commentating, weight lifting, living in Cincinnati/Clifton- wishing I had worked harder or done more at various points in my life, wishing I had realized lessons earlier on in life, wishing I had been more focused to realize those things, that I had finally gotten a firm grasp of everything that goes into my life and was going to be able to carry that into my Senior year only to have that derailed by the pandemic. And because of that derailment, wishing, like I said, had worked harder and done more and realized lessons earlier. Then I wouldn’t have had my head spin so much during this unprecedented time. It’s like I needed things to return to normal with a snap of a finger, but that clearly wasn’t going to happen.
But I have realized recently that whatever has happened in my life up to this point has happened, and that’s that. All I can do, as Michael Jordan said in The Last Dance, is “get in the moment and stay in it.” But things aren’t normal and there’s so much uncertainty in the world, how can you do that? Well, here’s how I’ll answer that: Am I healthy? Yes, and that’s normal. And recently I realized that my uncle lived with uncertainty for three years, and that was not being certain as to whether he would live as he battled GPM.
With all that’s being talked about with the coronavirus and discovering a vaccine for it and talk about when things will return to normal, I’ve finally decided not to get my head wrapped around that. Yes I wish things were normal and everything else I mentioned that I spun my head about these last few months as well. But as I said, this pandemic is what it is. And there are some silver linings, ways to make the most of this unprecedented time for all of us.
For me, I’ve realized that now more than ever it’s time to take control of my life, and the mission that comes with it. I choose to focus on that. I also choose to focus on the fact that there are people out there battling cancer, and there is extensive research happening in hopes of discovering a cure for it. That’s what I choose to focus on.
Living life isn’t normal right now, but neither is living life with cancer and the uncertainty of whether or not you’ll beat a disease threatening your life, not knowing if today could be your last. I don’t have to worry about that. I’m healthy. And I’m happy knowing that I’m choosing to focus on what I mentioned, and part of that is thinking about all of those battling cancer and discovering a cure for it. But more importantly, it’s focusing on accomplishing the mission in life that God has given me: carrying on my uncle’s legacy.
Let me be Frank and Cut to the Chase 