OAKWOOD– The late great Craig Sager, when he was the recipient of the Jimmy V Award for Perseverance at the ESPY’s in 2016, said in his acceptance speech the following about time: “Time is something that cannot be bought. It cannot be wagered with God. And it is not an endless supply. Time is simply how you live your life.”
I’ll add to that. There’s a song called “Time will save you. You don’t need to save yourself.” Grief has no time frame. When someone passes away, the aftermath never ends. You don’t just get over it.
I don’t think I’ll get over Uncle Squid’s death, and I don’t think anybody in my family will either. Should he be here to celebrate his 50th Birthday today? Yes. There’s no question about it.
Here’s what time allows you to do: to think, self-reflect (I’ve done that a lot recently), to understand why you’ve done things in life and to understand why things happen the way they do.
It’s not just me. But I ask God why he would put our whole family through this. Our family has often been called the “Beaver Cleaver” family. We’re very traditional, laid-back, hard-working, kind, compassionate, serviceable. But never ever underestimate the toughness of a Weckstein. They are resilient.
The day after my uncle died five years ago, my mom got up to go teach how children are developed in their early life stages (she teaches early-childhood development to simplify it), I got up to go to class. That felt normal. We carry on.
I remember one time I asked my uncle a question on how to do something that I probably knew the answer to. His response was “I’m not here.” Meaning, if he wasn’t there, how should I solve this problem? That’s resilience. That’s problem solving. That’s carrying on his legacy.
Five years is a long time. A lot has happened over the last five years. A lot of change: four jobs or internships, lived in FOUR different cities (moving is quite the endeavor, let me tell you!), my sister graduated high school and college (somehow maintaining a 4.0 despite seemingly spending more time and money at the bars than at the library or somewhere else “academic”), my parents got divorced, both our dogs we had growing up passed away (thankfully, we now have an adorable Golden Doodle named Cooper).
My biggest fear growing up was one of my grandparents passing away. You know it’s going to happen at some point, hopefully not for a long time in your life. But it’s still an uneasy thing to realize. When you’re young and innocent and getting spoiled by your grandparents (especially with brown cookies, sometimes even FROZEN! Can you imagine?!), you don’t want to think about that kind of stuff.
When Uncle Squid passed away five years ago, I remember thinking: this is the first time something like this hasn’t gone the way my family and I hoped it would. In the three years he battled cancer, it never once dawned on me that he was going to pass away. I can still remember playing soccer with him, my sister and cousin, Uncle Squid’s son, three weeks before he got sick. Not thinking then three years later he would be gone.
Because of how close I came to him, Uncle Squid’s death really effected me, and still does to this day. He was, and still is, my biggest inspiration. He was the inspiration behind everything I did: cross country, track, broadcasting a game, etc. It was the first time I ever went through a death in the family. And it confirmed to me this: no death will ever effect me more than Uncle Squid’s. And, I say this with all good intentions, it helped me prepare for what I went through the last month.
On August 4th, my grandfather, on my dad’s side, passed away. My first time losing a grandparent, and I still don’t believe it’s real. It was very sudden. He hadn’t been doing well for a while, but I didn’t think he would pass that quickly. When something so sudden happens, it’s okay to not know how to process it.
I specify which side of my family for multiple reasons. One, anybody who knows me knows that I’ve had my differences with that side of the family. Two, I didn’t want to alarm anybody that something happened to Granddad Don, President Don, The Donald whatever you call him or know him as, on my mom’s side. Three, because I don’t like to keep stuff in. I don’t think that’s a good way to live. I respect those who do, that’s their choosing. But I like to share what’s going on in my life for connection and camaraderie.
What makes my grandfather’s passing so hard is that it was so sudden. But also because, and I’m okay sharing this, there’s a lot I wish I would have done before. I wish I talked to him more the last five years, I wish I had made more of an effort to see him and my grandmother (the last time I saw them was December of 2021). I knew Uncle Squid was going to pass away in August 2018. I had time to accept that. With my grandfather, I didn’t. I wish I would have. His passing effects me a lot, and it will for a while. But again, and I don’t mean any ill will when I say this, no death will ever effect me the way Uncle Squid’s does. His death, in a way, helped me prepare for my grandfather’s passing.
I spent most of 2022 and the first month of 2023 in Macon, Georgia. I moved there for my first full-time job, which ultimately brought me back here to Columbus. That was my first time moving that far from family and friends. But it was a move I wanted to do and, honestly, a move that I needed to do. I needed to get out of Cincinnati to appreciate it more. I needed to do something like that, just as my sister moved to Clemson for college. It also made me appreciate family more.
While I still wish I never made the decision to move down to Georgia for a year, there is one good thing that came out of it. More on that in a minute.
I am vey fortunate to be one that can say I love my job. Not just because I’m doing what I want my career to be in, but also because of the environment. Everybody where I work is relentlessly driven, not only for themselves but, more importantly, the team. We all pull for each other. We want everybody to succeed. We’re on each other’s side. That’s a great team environment.
Today just so happens to be my six-month anniversary at work. In my first six months, I have prided myself on being able to put wherever and whenever to do whatever is needed for the good of the team. However, and I believe this, a good journalist knows their limits.
I have worked the morning show for four months. Started out on weekends, then moved to Saturday-Wednesday mornings full time. It is a privilege to be a part of the number one morning show in Central Ohio. But like I said, a good journalist knows their limits. I sensed what working 1-9 a.m. or 2-10 a.m. was doing to me mentally. It wasn’t good, and for a long time it wasn’t effecting my performance, until it did. That’s when I knew, before anybody else said something about me, I was going to speak up for myself.
What I’ve learned, spending a year in Georgia and working mornings, is that to be who you want to be, sometimes you also have to know who you don’t want to be and who you aren’t. I’ve learned that I don’t ever want to move away from family again. They’re too important to me. I’m not who I am without them. In addition, I like working mornings. I see how people consume it getting ready for work in the mornings. But, unfortunately, the hours had a negative impact on my mental health, and soon my performance was starting to impact others. That’s when I knew, this is not the kind of newscast producer I want to be.
But I’ve also learned that sometimes you have to play a certain role for the betterment of the team regardless of what’s going on. Recently I slept in before producing the morning show. It didn’t go well. Worse, I told my boss I overslept when really I didn’t. All my life I’ve been preached honesty and telling the truth. And here, I almost didn’t.
But sometimes, you’re taught to be something and you have to do something like almost lie to know to not ever do it again. Sometimes doing something you shouldn’t reinforces who you are and what’s important to you. And that’s okay. God put me through that.
God put our family through Uncle Squid’s passing five years ago to show that we’re more than just a compassionate, kind and traditional family. We have toughness. We have resiliency. Five years later and on his 50th Birthday, we know why God puts us through things.
Let me be Frank and Cut to the Chase 